Trump to Skip 2024 Campaign and Go Straight to Claiming He Won

PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump will skip the 2024 marketing campaign and go straight to claiming that he received, the previous reality-show host has confirmed.

Speaking to reporters, Trump mentioned that campaigning in 2024 can be “a waste of time, quite frankly, because I have already won that election.”

Asked how he may have received an election that isn’t scheduled to happen for one more three years, he mentioned, “People are saying that it already did happen. A lot of very smart people are calling me and saying that.”

Trump mentioned that, though he already received the 2024 election, “there was fraud and corruption like you wouldn’t believe.”

“The 2024 election was so stolen it makes the 2020 election look not stolen,” he mentioned. “The fact that I won in 2024 even though it was stolen from me is amazing, and, quite frankly, fantastic.”

Trump lashed out at a reporter who requested if he deliberate to run but once more in 2028. “I already won in 2028,” he mentioned. “That’s a stupid question and you’re a disgrace.”

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