Trump Says Seven-Hour Gap in January 6th Phone Calls Due to Shark Marathon on Discovery


PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—After the House select committee investigating January 6th revealed that there was a seven-hour gap in Donald J. Trump’s phone records for that day, the former President said that the hiatus was caused by a marathon of shark documentaries on the Discovery Channel.

“I was flipping around the channels, and suddenly I see the sharks,” he said. “I never miss the sharks.”

Trump said that the moment he saw that Discovery was airing shark documentaries, he turned off his phone and did not turn it on again until the marathon had concluded.

“I’m told I was watching the sharks for seven, maybe eight hours,” he said. “Quite frankly, I wasn’t paying attention to the time. I was paying attention to the sharks.”

Trump lashed out at critics of his behavior on January 6th and claimed that, by monitoring the sharks, he was “protecting the country.”

“Sleazy Adam Schiff might have a problem with me saving the country from sharks, but that’s the President’s job,” he said. “Sharks are horrible people.”



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