Stefanik Solemnly Swears to Defend Trump from Constitution

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a solemn swearing in as the brand new House Republican Conference chair, Representative Elise Stefanik vowed to defend Donald J. Trump from the United States Constitution.

With House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy officiating, Stefanik raised her proper hand and rested her left on a primary version of “The Art of the Deal.”

“I, Elise Stefanik, do solemnly swear to preserve, protect, and defend Donald J. Trump from the Constitution of the United States,” she recited.

Stefanik turned emotional as she completed the oath, by which she promised to defend Trump “from all enemies, foreign and domestic—but especially from that jerk Liz Cheney.”

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