WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As it emerged that Representative Jim Jordan despatched a textual content to Mark Meadows outlining a plan to overturn the 2020 election, tens of millions of Americans have been surprised to be taught that Jordan is succesful of writing a textual content.

“If this is true, then Jim Jordan has command of the English language and the capacity to assemble letters to form words,” Carol Foyler, a resident of St. Louis, mentioned. “I have to admit I’m having trouble processing this.”

“Color me skeptical,” Harland Dorrinson, who lives in Akron, Ohio, mentioned, “but, unless I see a video of Jim Jordan actually typing a text with his own thumbs, this so-called news story doesn’t pass the smell test.”

Reports that Jordan is succesful of writing a textual content additionally provoked amazement in a member of the scientific group, Dr. Anthony Fauci. “Much like COVID-19, there’s still so much about Jim Jordan we don’t know,” he mentioned.