WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In his weekly look on “Fox News Sunday,” Chris Wallace advised his viewers that he was “ecstatic” about by no means having to journey an elevator with Tucker Carlson once more.
“After eighteen years at Fox, I’m excited about my next chapter,” a visibly giddy Wallace stated. “And that’s because I’ll never again share an elevator with that unhinged sociopath Tucker Carlson.”
Wallace revealed that for years he “dreaded” entering into an elevator at Fox for concern of an undesirable encounter with the execrable Carlson.
“On the occasions when I found myself in the same elevator as that bastard, I’d stare at my shoes and pray he wouldn’t strike up a conversation,” Wallace stated. “Those minutes seemed like hours.”
“Even Hannity was better,” he added.
Stressing that his choice to go away Fox “wasn’t about money,” Wallace stated, “At CNN+, I’ll never have to ride an elevator with Tucker Carlson, and you can’t put a price tag on that.”