Biden Tells Putin He Must Return His Oval Office Keys

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a telephone dialog that the White House characterised as “frank,” President Biden instructed the Russian President, Vladimir Putin, that he needed to return his Oval Office keys.

Putin, who reportedly has had the keys since 2017, was shocked by Biden’s demand, sources mentioned.

“Look, pal, if you want to have a summit meeting, you’re gonna have to give back the keys,” Biden reportedly instructed the Russian. “Those are the rules of the road.”

Despite Putin’s response, which was described as “frosty,” sources indicated that Biden refused to present floor.

“Don’t get all mopey now, champ,” Biden mentioned. “You had a good run.”

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